Smile and stop fretting over the imperfections

Japanese doll Smile and stop fretting over the imperfections
I was reading an article about female pattern hair loss this week and I was suddenly swarmed with past feelings of insecurity and humiliation. Since 18, I’ve struggled with the possibility that I was losing hair on my crown and at that time, I desperately sought all sorts of treatments to improve the density. I’ve tried many commercial brands of hair loss treatments, I’ve seen dermatologists and trichologists, and I’ve even rubbed brandy soaked with dried morning glory on my scalp – all to little avail. I hated to visit the hair salons because the brainless hairdressers would always point out the fact that I have very little hair, and the way they said it, it was always meant to bring shame to my head. And because I was so afraid they would do something nasty to my hair, I would always accept their words in silence, although in that case, silence did not mean consent nor acceptance.

Yes, those were the painful years. I think there was a time I had fleeting thoughts of suicide because of the pain. I’m not kidding. It got so bad that I was so conscious of how people were looking at me. If they were talking to me, I would imagined they were looking at my head. I detested talking to people who stood over me or were taller than me. Unfortunately, I didn’t have much choice because I didn’t have that many friends shorter than me. GAH. And I also had to deal with those dumb duds with ZERO EQ. Once, I had this guy friend pointing out in front of everyone that I had very little hair! I almost wanted to turn around to pull out his hair. Another time, a male colleague publicly joked in my absence that I could have been the company’s belle if I had more hair. I hope both men have become bald by now and to top it off, have ringworns on their scalps!

Today, while I’m still conscious of my hair, I’m no longer insecure about it. I don’t know when but I finally resolved the feelings of insecurity. Nah, no psychologist was involved. No hair transplant either. And heh, no Yun Nam consultation. My hair just stayed constant or maybe they grew a little more over the years…I’m not too sure. I think I got emotionally exhausted with all the negative feelings and realized that it was no use constantly worrying about my hair. Then little by little, I got over all those insecurities and if someone commented about it now, I just smiled and concurred. I just made sure I styled my hair neatly and I always use a dry shampoo to boost the volume. It also helps that my hairstylist is very good; he always gives me a good haircut that doesn’t accentuate the problem area and he would even advice me on the hair colors I should avoid so as not to enhance the sparseness.

I think we all live with some level of insecurities about ourselves. Maybe it’s our size, our shape, our skin or in my case, my hair. It’s important to come to terms with these insecurities and address them instead of trying to hide the pain and ignore it. There is no shame in being imperfect. But if you let the insidious feelings overwhelm you, then it can become a lot more toxic and destructive. There is always hope in becoming better; maybe the hope comes with some experiments or maybe with money you need to part. Well, even if nothing works, know that life isn’t JUST about how you look. Yes, I won’t deny that we’ll feel good if we look good but well, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. So instead of fretting over the physical imperfections, why not focus on the positives instead? Improve your speech, improve your intelligence, perfect a skill, or learn to be humorous! Self confidence can make you look a lot better too and remember, at the end of the day, it’s about how you feel and think about your own self worth as well.

Have a lovely Saturday everyone!

vivawoman1 Smile and stop fretting over the imperfections © www.vivawoman.net copyright notice
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Comments

  1. kiwi says

    Well said! But insecurities are hard to get rid off, so I suppose most people, including me, would try all ways and means to rectify the issue that is causing us insecurities.

    • sesame says

      I actually think it’s good to want to try to rectify the issue because when we try, we live with the hope that the issue will improve or resolve.

  2. flym says

    I can identify with your hair woes. I’ve naturally fine and thin hair. It’s become thinner with age to the extent that my scalp is very visible even under the hair, especially at partings. Yeah, I also learned to accept my hair situation. For me, if it ever comes to the worst case scenario of an obvious bald patch, I might get those half wig thing.

    • sesame says

      I haven’t thought about what I’ll do. Maybe I’ll consider hair transplant if it has to come to that.

  3. says

    Thank you for sharing this story! I admire you for growing into confidence :D

    I just can’t understand why other people feel a need to point out ones flaws to them – like is there really a need to point to someone that their acne is bad or their hair is thin?! I’m sure the person knows, and there is no need to pull out those imperfections to public discussion :|

    • sesame says

      Some people do it deliberately, some people do it to create conversations. I attribute it to no EQ. :razz:

  4. says

    Thanks Sesame, this is a very inspiring piece of article. Indeed, we may be imperfect, but we are perfect in our own ways :)

    • sesame says

      You’re right…we’re perfect in our own ways and not by the conventional standards. We need to think more highly of ourselves. :)

  5. Happiness says

    I have the same prob. Kept dropping hair until I started taking woman’s multivitamins purchased from raffles medical. I guess my body was obviously lacking in a particular something. Whatever it is, it helps! And that’s all that matters. No harm trying. Only 34 bucks could save u alot of trouble. ;) my 2 cents worth. Good article nonetheless!

    • sesame says

      The multivits helped you? I tried taking a number of supplements but to little avail. Maybe I’ll have a look at that one from Raffles Med again. But right now, I don’t feel my hair condition is so bad so I haven’t done much to increase the density except being careful with the shampoos I use.

      • Happiness says

        For me, changing a million and one shampoos didn’t help. I tried taking supplements too throughout the years but none helped. Until I started to take this multivits, things started to become alot better. Looking at the ingredients, I obviously cannot pinpoint which one helped as it consists of more than 30 constituents. Good luck and tell me if you see changes. Or at least having lesser hair falling ;) cheers

        • sesame says

          Thanks. I’ll have a look at it. I don’t have hair falling though but my problem is due to an oily scalp.

  6. Caramel says

    Hi, how about try for chinese medicine that enhances the function of kidney? Hair growth and health usually reflects the condition of your kidneys. I have seen people growing lots of baby hair on the balding part after taking chinese medicine for about 6 months. Yeah it is slow but it works :)

    • sesame says

      I see…that’s interesting. I’ll take a look at how I can improve my kidney cos I’m thinking of doing another round of detox soon. I have tried Chinese medicine for my hair when I was younger but I had bad results and I paid the price of nearly losing all my sight in one eye. I probably have to consult a Chinese doc for that but I’m not so keen now cos it’s not something I consider serious enough to see a doc anymore.

        • sesame says

          I took a Chinese herbal medication “shou wu jiu”. Supposed to be good for the hair but after I took it for some time, one of my eyes developed problems. I actually couldn’t see well. Then after checking with the docs, they confirmed that some of the cells had died and I became partially blind. I can’t ascertain if the medication caused the problem but it was the only thing I took at that time. So I’m quite scared of taking Chinese medication for hair.

      • Caramel says

        Oh no… yeah it is best to consult a chinese medicine doctor before taking any medicine. If you have been quite young, it is probably because your liver could not handle the medicine you were taking.

        • sesame says

          I didn’t know better. It was quite a common medicine available then but come to think of it, I don’t seem to see it around anymore.

  7. says

    Thanks for saying this. Sometimes I get these urges to radically alter my appearance because I feel so dissatisfied with myself – my asymmetrical face, my body shape, my pigments and moles, my body hair… my nose, my thin lips … it goes on.

    Ironically, much as I have all these irrational fears, at the same time I am too an intelligent, articulate female. I scoff at magazines and glossies of goddesses, thinking I am somewhat superior because I am above the temptation of insecurity.

    But what remains is that I am the sum of what I am and have, and not my insecurities. I am also not defined by my jealousy, nor my ‘natural-ness’. Thanks for being so inspiring :)

    • sesame says

      I understand how you feel…I have those urges too on some days (particularly when I’m PMSing). :razz: They’re mostly based on fleeting thoughts and the feelings go away fairly quickly. Quite normal with many I believe.

  8. Chocolatekitty says

    Yeah if you don’t worry about it as much it sort of goes away, for me atleast. Well I have a sister who growing up made a big deal about her hair falling out since she was in her teens til even now in her midlate twenties. But she has the thickest hair of all my sisters! It’s actually really thick too. Anyhow, she told me that she uses mustard seed oil on her scalp. I think she may also take vitamins, she told me the four women need are multi , k, d, and I think folic acid. Hey well I read in a book once if you have lines in your lips you may need b-12 .

    • sesame says

      I took folic acid and the vit Bs. Perhaps they did help over the years I’m not too sure. I think like what you say, when you stop worrying, the problem sort of goes away. My hair has stayed the same all these years and so I just left it as it is and never took extra care except for what I wash with it.

    • sesame says

      Well, it’s not so obvious now I think but most people can tell the hair isn’t dense when they see me in person. :razz:

  9. Michelle says

    I know exactly what you mean re using everything to prevent hair loss. I also have tried everything you tried, from seeing the dermatlogist to using the brandy. Now, I’m using a product for hair loss…

    • sesame says

      I have stopped using anything on my scalp other than shampoo and dry shampoo. But I do get asked when I visit new salons if I want to try their hair tonic. I’ve come across a treatment here that seems to work so maybe if I need it in time, I’ll go back to that place.

  10. snowball says

    wow, i thought i was the only one who went thru something like this! we have almost identical situations.
    1)during high school a guy friend commented on how i had the potential to be really “hot” if i had more hair. he did not seem to realize how hurtful his comment is to me, even if it were true.
    2)dumb hairdressers commenting on how thin my hair is (as if I had a choice to make more hair magically grow on my head) and about my forehead, and asking if my dad is bald, and trying to sell me these hair shining treatments that will give my hair more volume-y look.
    3)hated people standing above/behind me
    4)buying countless volumising shampoos and hairspray/mousses in hopes of giving my head volume (still very much guilty of this)
    5)is currently contemplating getting hair extensions/weave! scared to do this though.. although most Hollywood celebrities actually do this!

    of all the insecurities i have about myself, i believe the hair thing is one of the biggest! i hope i can be like you and slowly learn to accept that it is ok.

    • sesame says

      It’s good you’re trying to do something to manage the problem. Don’t give up but at the same time, don’t fret over it too much. I found that when I stopped worrying, my hair condition seem to improve. Maybe it was all in the head…I don’t know. I still don’t have a lot of hair, but it isn’t too bad so I just leave with what I have now.

  11. Vivi says

    Hi Sesame,

    I also have the same problem. I’ve had hair loss problem for the past 15 years. I’ve also tried many kinds of treatments but they only worked for a short term. My hair loss is also caused by oily scalp. There has been an improvement since I use the shampoo from Rene Furterer but I still experience hair loss. May I know what shampoo do you use now?

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