Are you selfish about your beauty secrets?

Sometime ago, my beauty therapist mentioned that one of my colleagues should be grateful to me for her glowing skin and I was a little perturbed by her remark. I quickly corrected her and told her that there is nothing to be grateful about as my colleague is paying for the facial service and all I did was to point her towards the right salon. However, according to my beauty therapist, “some women wouldn’t even want to share that kind of information!”

Actually, this is not the first time I’ve heard such comments as a reader had also pointed out the same thing to me. Come to think of it, I have had instances where I did ponder if I should be blogging about some information especially those I deem as “beauty secrets”. The thing for me is, having a bigger readership overrides any sense of wanting to be selfish and I usually end up sharing those information. But I have read at other sites where some bloggers openly admit that they are reluctant to share their beauty secrets or that they have reservations about telling others how they maintain their flawless skin. And based on some of the stories I’ve heard or read, the reluctance stems from feelings of selfishness, envy or jealousy. So I wonder: is this a norm or is this an exception?

Perhaps you want to tell me how you feel about sharing your beauty secrets or beauty tips with your friends. Is it something you’ll do freely without hesitation? Would you withhold certain information just so that your friends would not know the entire secret or have you come across women who guard their beauty secrets really jealously?

© copyright notice


  1. pf1123 says:

    I have a friend who appologised to me once when she bought beauty items which I recommend. I was puzzled. Why would she even do that? She said some people don’t like.

    I don’t understand. If a product I come to know about works and is good or I think is suitable for my friends, I would recommend it. It is up to them to decide if they want to try. The beauty market is so big. If we don’t have all these reviews, how do we even know where to begin to try?!

    And I don’t think these are big beauty secrets worthy of keeping anyway. Different products work differently on people. I’m just glad that the things I recommend didn’t break people out big time. Hahaha…

  2. AtelierGal says:

    I don’t mind sharing, and what’s there to be selfish about? We will all wrinkle and grow old someday. We pick our beauty tips here and there, nothing secrecy about that.

    I recently just received some compliments about my ‘shiny, clear forehead’ so I’ll post up my tips soon. If they are considered beauty tips LOL

  3. pf1123 says:

    Oops. I mean to say I don’t think beauty secrets are worth keeping. ?

  4. sesame says:

    Ah…that makes me wonder if that’s why some readers will ask me to email them certain information because they may have thought I don’t want to share the info openly.

    You’re absolutely right. Different products work differently on people and even food will work differently. We can model after certain celebrities who share their beauty tips but we can never be like them anyway. In fact, some times I worry that the info I share maybe detrimental for others because of that reason.

  5. sesame says:

    So true…and on the topic of growing old, I recently thought about why some women can age nicely and it’s really because of their attitude and how they carry themselves.

    Okay looking forward to receiving tips on your forehead!

  6. Jasmine says:

    I love to share but I think it’s important to know who you’re sharing to … some ladies feel offended if you recommend something — they take it that you’re imposing your view on them or you may be implying there is a problem with their regime or that you’re intervening because you think they don’t know better.

    However, when it comes to touching up cosmetics in a public restroom, I really hate to brandish my stuff because Singaporeans enjoy taking a quick look at what you’re using and making up their mind about you. I’d rather keep it a beauty ‘secret’ rather than share it in this case ?

    Women in foreign countries are a lot less catty and friendly and will compliment your makeup and it’s easy to get started and share your beauty know-how. But over here, even shop assistants try to be critical of your makeup, you would rather keep your tips and tricks a secret.

  7. AtelierGal says:

    I have no idea if they should be considered tips though.

    I really feel sad for some 20-year-olds who have deep frowns. They are not going to age well ?

  8. sesame says:

    Oh and about your friend’s apology, it also reminded me of an old acquaintance who told me she was annoyed with a certain friend because she claimed the girl copied her makeup. *slaps forehead* So what your friend said is true for some…

  9. stella says:

    first time i’m hearing this… i know some people don’t like others to copy their dressing style / homework (haha!) but beauty tips?? sorry to say it, but this is how far our society has degenerated

  10. sesame says:

    Hey, these are very interesting information! You have a good point about who you want to share because of how others may misconstrued your intentions.

    And I didn’t know a thing about the cosmetics checking in the public restroom. Maybe it’s because I hardly touch up except for using a lipstick and so I haven’t noticed this snooping. I shall be more observant in future! ?

  11. sesame says:

    It could also be because of their head structure. I feel that those with protruding forehead may have lesser lines vs those with a flatter forehead. I could be wrong.

  12. sesame says:

    I don’t think it’s across the board. Some people have no problems with others copying their dressing style, makeup or beauty and they might feel more than flattered. And for those with a problem, sometimes the selfishness may just be towards a certain friend whom they deem as a rival?

    But going back to Jasmine’s comments, I wonder if the unwillingness to share has any connections with cultures.

  13. fwy says:

    Everyone has different skintypes. What works for me may not have the same effect on others. This is one reason I do not share my tips unless someone with similar skintype asked me. If you drop by Kinokuniya bookstore at NAC occassionally at the Mandarin Books Section, you will noticed the vast number of makeup, skincare, slimming know-how books available on the shelves. Does all advices & products recommendation given by these so-called experts works for you? Are you willing to invest the same amount of time & money in getting these products & using them? Not necessary for everyone.

  14. pf1123 says:

    Hmmmm…that’s weird. As long as the face is not the face, I don’t mind anybody copying me. Hahahhaa!!!

    Well, I would be slightly flattered if people were to do a plastic surgery copying my face. But I would more likely freak out.

  15. luna says: that you’ve mentioned, could you share with me where you did your facial? I had mine with bioskin, but I think it’s time for a change =|

  16. Fr0nd says:

    hmm beauty secrets… yup, some pple share and some don’t. For me, if I find something I like, it goes up on my blog. Don’t see why I have to act like a dog in a manager and keep everything for myself. But that’s me.

  17. wd says:

    Hello, I have never thought about this topic before…

    Everyone’s skin is different and if you see someone is struggling to improve their skin condition, why not kindly share what you know? If it works? It might not even work for the other person, for all you know.

    It’s not as if by preventing others from becoming more beautiful, you will become more beautiful by contrast. Furthermore, even if you don’t share your particular “secret”, it’s not as if there aren’t other ways for others to achieve it. This is not only a weak method, but also one which will make you “uglier” on the inside by the way you so selfishly guard these “secrets”.

    I guess, only a person who has no confidence of her own beauty will do such a thing…?

    But without doubt, there will be some types of people I will not be willing to share the information with.

    But either way, thank you so much for sharing the “beauty secrets” with us! #k8SjZc9Dxk#k8SjZc9Dxk I learned a lot from you (:

  18. Iris Weaver says:

    I believe if I tell my “beauty secret” to others, they will tell me theirs. I personally cannot know everything about beauty and I always hear news and tips from my friends actually. I think sharing is a great way to learn more. That’s why I am willing to share things I know at my blog.

  19. Happy Feet says:

    Hmmm.. I do hear my girlfriends complaining about others copying their dress styles, make-up, etc…. I find it insanely weird…. I would be too flattered if anyone copies me. ? Anyway, dress styles are so similar these days, we all look like we buy our clothes from the same shop, sometimes! I don’t mind to share at all if anyone were to ask me beauty secrets, if I have any in the first place. I believe true beauty comes from inside us. That’s what lasts. Any real beauty tips is which cosmetic surgeon are you visiting because we can’t defy aging.

  20. deb says:

    I think it’s fun!!!

  21. sesame says:

    I agree. There are lots of beauty tips out there and we cannot follow blindly. But it seems that some are unwilling to share even when asked. I recall someone I know was unwilling to tell me why she was able to achieve flawless looking complexion with her makeup. I later found out it’s due to the primer she used.

  22. sesame says:

    Oh geez…that would be SCARY! Stalker!!!

  23. sesame says:

    I go to True Beauty for my facial. You can read my review here:

    There is an ongoing promotion for Viva Woman readers. Just mention you are my reader and you can get 50% off their facial at $75.

  24. sesame says:

    I tend to get more excited about sharing it but sometimes too worried that it might give adverse effects to others. I am most hesitant when it comes to sharing about expensive products. I feel extremely bad because I’m not sure if it’ll work for all.

  25. KTee says:

    I have no problem sharing my beauty tips. If i discover something good for my skin, i get very excited and would share with anyone who care to listen..ha!

  26. sesame says:

    Exactly, not sharing is not going to make us more beautiful but I can totally understand what you mean by not wanting to share with certain types of people. Reminds me of my early days of blogging when I had a certain someone who would try to use whatever I was using. I didn’t mind it but I was so annoyed when she started shooting me questions and remarks on a personal basis. At that point, I thought I didn’t want to share anything with her anymore.

  27. sesame says:

    Yes, I am so grateful to some of my readers who are willing to share their tips with me here. That has saved me a lot of agony and money! So you’re right…sharing is a great way to learn more!

  28. sesame says:

    I would feel flattered too! ?

    I don’t know about cosmetic surgeons though…I’ve seen some people I know getting blotch up jobs and I’ll really think twice about getting tips from some of them.

  29. sesame says:

    I totally understand that feeling. The first one I usually share info is with my best friend. And she will always share with me too.

  30. Soos says:

    I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone else what to do, and no one has asked me. I can say that most women in my office around my age seem to take more care in wearing nicer clothes and jewelry than a year ago, when I first started. I’m not saying I am a role model, but rather that I compliment them when they are wearing earrings, blouse that flatter them.

    Would I share if asked? Why not? If I overhear someone needing a dentist or hair stylist I would direct them to my own. Same for a sunscreen or moisturizer.

    Still, I do recall a former gf (long story) telling me I could not afford her foundation (sold only through plastic surgeons). Knowing this woman proved to me that I am NOT high maintenance, I am in the middle somewhere!

  31. sesame says:

    You’re right…it’s better not to be too presumptuous. Apart from my blog, I will only share when asked. But recently I got quite excited about my detox and starting telling a few of my colleagues about it and now, they all want to detox! :p

  32. pf1123 says:

    Wah…that sucks. Sorry that you had to go through this. Every girl should know that taking on beauty advice is always at your own risk.

  33. Mint says:

    oh my, I never knew that there’s such a thing as beauty secret! I love sharing beauty tips with others, especially my sister and cousin partly because we have rather similar skin types. And every time I read something in Vivawomen and like it very much after trying out, I can’t wait to tell them about it. In fact for your DIY masks, I even bought some of the ingredients for my sister! My belief is the same as the rest here, if I have something good, I wanna share with all others, cause they will share with me too! =D

  34. valerie says:

    I think it’s great to share beauty secrets.. I’ve always been thinking how come woman in places like japan and korea have such nice skins. I think its probably the wheather but also the fact that everyone sort of shares what they know about keeping their skin good. I think at least for me, it’s a nice feeling to have people who share this love for keeping good skin. The more the merrier, even if your friend does end up looking better than you, that’s prob cause she’s got a better face shape haha, but good clear skin makes everyone look good in my opinion. to have more friends who are willing to go out there and try new products and share their reviews is great.

  35. Audris says:

    Always happy to share. Why not? But I do google first to read up on certain products / services when I ask my friends/ colleagues on their recommendations. I don’t just take advice blindly.

    Having said that, I felt bad recently. One of my friends’ back in Singapore for 1 month and she wanted to get a facial done. I suggested my usual beautician to her. It’s a reputable salon I’ve been going to for 5 years. She was happy the day of the facial, but her face had red patches the next day. Must have been sensitive to one of the ingredients used. We still can’t figure out which (the products used in the salon are Made in France/ Europe, etc.).

    So… happy to share, but when such encounters happen, especially to a good friend.. eck.

  36. Rinka says:

    i have to say im definitely reluctant to share beauty secrets. it started when i had a friend who would copy every single little thing i did and would buy the same things as me to the point where people actually began to not be able to tell us apart. at first i was flattered but then people started commenting on how cute SHE looked, how nice HER skin was, etc etc it really annoyed me so now im very tight-lipped.

    i think the only thing i do share is perfume and hair products, like if they smell it on me and say it smells nice. but as for skincare and makeup… im very hesistant.

  37. Liesl says:

    I’m most willing to share beauty tips such as skincare or makeup. In fact, in my workplace, I have influenced most of my female collegues to adopt some simple makeup or simple skincare routine. They ofteb lament to their husbands their expenditures went up due to my ‘bad’ influence!! However, I don’t really like to share where I buy my clothes from. I had occasions before whereby a collegue who on several occasions buying the same clothes as me after enquiring where I bought them. I’m quite ‘paranoid’ with her at one point.

  38. yay says:

    i would share it..the only thing i don’t like about is for instance someone asked me what i used i would tell them…but when i asked them ur skin look nice what have u been using? their answers would be this & that.. this & that as in??? those r the only people i would not want to share with.. i do like to share u can always learn from each other & there’s always room for improvement in the ingredients especially if u r making DIY products.

  39. sesame says:

    It was not just about beauty. I started out blogging on parenting and she kept passing remarks on my blog to make me look bad as a mother or a wife. And then when I started blogging here, she also started questioning some of my choices…yet following my recommendations. I learnt this word – one-upmanship – some women just like to put others down to make themselves look better.

  40. sesame says:

    I guess you can call them beauty tips if they’re shared but beauty secrets if they’re kept. ?

  41. sesame says:

    I like the idea of sharing with others and others sharing with me. It’s like everyone is so passionate about the topic and it makes experimenting fun!

  42. sesame says:

    Ah…but that wasn’t your fault. These things happen cos we have different skin types. But to be honest, that’s what I fear too. I feel bad too when some readers told me that their skin got sensitive with some of the DIY recipes I put up.

  43. sesame says:

    Okay, I can understand how you feel. She was encroaching on your private space and I would have felt weird and awful too. It is annoying!

  44. sesame says:

    Haha…the “bad influence” is quite true. I’m probably considered bad influence too. ?

    Hmm…why would your colleague want to wear the same clothes as you? Doesn’t she want to differentiate herself? But at least, that tells that you looked nice in those clothes! Imitation is the best form of flattery they say!

  45. sesame says:

    It’s funny. I come across such people in my work place. Not related to beauty but materials for work. They’ll always want to know where I got my information and after I shared with them and ask them about theirs, they’ll go hum and haw.

  46. JC says:

    I wouldn’t mind sharing it but I have met some people who reiterate what other people shared with them and then took credit for it. So they give other people the impression that she is so knowledgeable this and that when she knows nothing at all.

    Those ppl with poor social graces are the ones I have a problem with. They need to learn how to give others the credit.

  47. Maita says:

    I recently shared a beauty secret (if you can call Retin A a secret) with a friend of mine – who followed suit and noticed a dramatic improvement in her skin after a few weeks. We were talking about the improvements we were experiencing and I mentioned that I had shared my tip with another work colleague. My friend “chastised” me for sharing – saying we should keep it to ourselves. I told her I didnt mind sharing – beauty is not selfish (and selfishness is not beautiful). Afterall, had I not shared my tip with her, she wouldnt be feeling good about her skin today.

    I dont mind telling people about my skincare routine, especially if they ask. If I see them later on and their skin and complexion has improved, and they tell me my advise worked for them, then I feel good – not only was I able to help someone out, but imitation is also the best form of flattery.

    I do mention a disclaimer though – especially when recommending Retin A – because its not for everyone and I know there is some temporary discomfort when using Retin A as a treatment. But it really worked miracles for me so I tell them to also visit their dermatologist – to be safe!

  48. greenapple says:

    hi! i love your blog, have been following this site for a while now, great information and advice!

    i just wanted to ask you about MUFE makeupforever, i was wondering since you are based in singapore, i will be heading there very soon and was wondering if you know if dutyfree in singapore stock?
    thanks you so much!

  49. Natalja says:

    Beauty secret….. what exactly is it? If something would make me look 17 again – well, that would be a secret. And I don’t know products that would do that. Unfortunately. Anything else is not worth keeping. Even using the very same products would not make people look the same. The only secret I probably would keep is how many plastic surgeries I had…hahaha. But even that is not a big deal.

  50. Mika chan says:

    Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would ever be selfish in sharing the secrets. Are only a select few women supposed to have gorgeous glowing skin?? That’s not fair.

    To be honest, I never really ask anyone too much advice unless they have really clear skin and they claim they used to have acne. Otherwise, I am usually sharing my secrets with others.

  51. sesame says:

    Maybe it’s not intentional? I mean, if it’s a conversation, it might be easy to just utter without reference?

  52. sesame says:

    Haha…so your friend sounds a little selfish…but it’s good you were so generous to share. The satisfaction of knowing others benefited from some tips you shared is definitely great!

  53. sesame says:

    I don’t think their products are available dutyfree here but I could be wrong. You want to try visiting their Facebook and ask them through a message?

  54. sesame says:

    I should also say that any beauty tips shared by celebrities are always written as beauty secrets. But their real beauty secrets are always hidden!

  55. sesame says:

    Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone for beauty secrets. When I see someone with good skin, I just imagine that the person must have good genes or took time to take care of their skin really well. And to me, it’s unachievable since I obviously don’t have what that person has.

  56. GUNN says:

    I used to be like that.
    But i soon realised by doing so i am limiting the flow of new knowledge towards me, as when i share in the process i too learn a thing or two.
    I dont keep secrets now,(try my best).I am grateful to you for sharing your knowledge as well.

  57. minsin says:

    I always has this idea of everyone on the street have a beautiful healthy skin. If that so How would I keep any beauty secret?

  58. sesame says:

    You’re right! When we share, we learn. I’m so glad to have started blogging because it helped me learn more from materials I read and readers’ comments.

  59. Angel says:

    I think it’s nicer to share. I mean, I don’t think anything is “my” idea since a million other people probably already know about it too. Plus, not all skincare tricks will work on everyone anyway. Just seems a little catty to me, but I guess some women are like that *shrugs*

  60. sesame says:

    Your comment reminds me of a time I met a Chinese lady with porcelain complexion. Half the time I was talking to her, I was wondering if her secret lies in eating or applying pearl powder. But I never asked; just thought it was rude to.

  61. wd says:

    Oh… Yeah really sorry u had to go through that… I guess this is one of the many different kinds of people in the world.

    Sometimes I’m reluctant to share information bcos thr will be ungrateful people arnd… I don’t mean I expect a credit/thanks everytime you use what I taught but… just not be like the lady you mentioned O:

  62. CT says:

    I love sharing my beauty tips with my friends. We are exchange the best practise which we might have. Its a form of learning from each other. I dont understand why some gals would tell me “Oh i dont take care of my skin at all” which i dont really believe.

  63. sesame says:

    Being selfish is considered a normal human instinct…so perhaps for some girls, beauty is so important to them that they guard it jealously.

  64. Dr Nitasha Buldeo says:

    What goes around, comes around… If you share your beauty secrets and they help others, they will more inclined to share their beauty tips with you. You never know when you’re going to need a quick fix or beauty tip to save the day.

  65. Dia says:

    As for me, I love sharing what I learn!!! ? I mean, why keep it to yourself? When people ask, I share…

    I have a few friends who I constantly share beauty tips with and it’s a good bonding session as well. You give some and you learn some too! ?

  66. sesame says:

    Yes, that’s so true!

  67. sesame says:

    It’s fun too when friends are able to talk about the same topic and exchange notes!

  68. april says:

    I would be so happy if my friend would just take my advice to wear sunscreen daily – she has too many freckles. I would be happy to share, in fact I find that a lot of women don’t pay enough attention to their skin and given the kind of sun we are get here…well, I can share whatever I want, but the take-up rate may not be high!

  69. Natalja says:

    I don’t trust celebrities at all. They don’t do anything for free and they get paid millions to tell on TV or magazines that they are big fans of Olay or Proactive or some other brand.
    The only one celebrity secret I know is not really a secret. Get paid millions of dollars to get the best regular pampering in spas, personal trainers, personal stylists and make-up artists. That’s all there is to it.

  70. sesame says:

    Oh that’s a shame. But your friend will discover that your advice is good in time to come.

  71. sesame says:

    I know what you mean. I’ll be wary when they share tips on a product but if they share DIY recipes they use, I consider a beauty secret and I’ll be more than happy to find out more.

  72. lala says:

    i admit to checking other girls out when they touch up
    i want to know what others use when they touch up!
    u know, sort of learning experience
    esp at ion toilets..

    but i limit myself to a few glances, can tell they can see me looking…

  73. sesame says:

    Haha…I just try to take notice the next time. Or maybe I should touch up more.

  74. zed_x says:

    Sometimes it gets irritating when you’re sharing information with a friend but she just rejects it and thinks that the info you’re sharing is useless/wrong all the time.

    In the end, i don’t bother sharing any beauty info with her anymore cos of her negative attitude.

  75. sesame says:

    Ah…can be a dampener for sure. In that case, I’ll do the same as you. Just keep mum next time.

  76. Frckls says:

    This is actually one pretty funny post. And tickling too. I am aware of the pride of having beautiful skin. However, upon questions or any other sort of confrontations I usually jump in to giving away my secrets to friends, voluntarily. It sure does feel good to share. However, since my beauty secrets are mostly cheapish DIY and homemade manufactures (which is actually not that much cheap considering all those grocery products we have to buy double, for the kitchen and the toiletries!), most people are skeptical, laugh at me, or even mocking me for having “cheap skin” to work only on cheap products (shame on you!). Well, you can see that I got to be more selective to share. I can only smirk and laugh inside looking them berserkly stocking pricey, chem-chocked products that barely make a change on their skin.

    I do make DIY stuff in double (or triple) for me and my sisters tho. We usually do home-spa together and who wouldn’t be proud to be known as “the gorgeous sisters”. =p

  77. sesame says:

    They laugh and mock at your skin care choice? Aww…not very nice eh? I think you’re really nice to want to share and different stuff works well for different skin types. Anyway, who’s having the last laugh? It’s you! So don’t bother about those mockeries.

  78. Raji says:

    I am a indian girl. so here if u tell someone that you use a certain product, they think that i turned beautiful only because of that, and i’m not beautiful naturally.
    When i started using curd face mask my complexion improved and also my skin became softer. By that time i started to go to Gym too. So my friends told me that i was turning beautiful and asked my ‘beauty secrets’. So i told them what i do. The thing to notice is they asked me to lower my voice before i tell anything, so that none outside our room will be able to hear that.
    I know one of my friend, who is hesitant to share the products she uses.
    In fact, they say that they do “nothing” to their skin. And one day when i went to her room, i could see that her room is full of cosmetics.
    There are many other stories like this.

    Some people don’t share their beauty secrets, while others act like they have never knew what product are for.

  79. Raji says:

    SRY for that mistake in the last line.

Leave a Reply